Cover Story

Best friends are 'priceless'

She shares your laughter, your tears and everything in between

By None

ROCKFORD WOMAN

Oct 03, 2008 @ 10:59 PM

In grade school, she was the girl holding the other end of the jump rope.

In junior high, she was the one sitting with you in the cafeteria, even though she could just as easily sit at the cool table.

In high school, she had the perfect solution for your hair dye-gone-bad.

There's nothing quite like having a best friend. And long after our note-passing, giggling-about-boys age, we still could use a girlfriend in the wings. She understands us like no one else. She knows when to crack a joke and when to keep the margaritas and tissues coming.

For the many things they say -- and the hundreds of things they don't -- a BFF is priceless.

Carla Potter and Angelica Gonzales

It wasn't until after high school that classmates Angelica Gonzales and Carla Potter became friends. A mutual friend invited both ladies out for a girls' night, and the pair connected instantly.

Now, Potter is the godmother to Gonzales' son, and their husbands have become friends as well. The 35-year-olds meet up to go shopping or do lunch as often as they can and set up a birthday tradition of treating one another to a movie and lunch.

"Angel and I both find it important to have a tradition for our relationship," said Potter, who lives in Roscoe. "We have done that for three years now, maybe more. I look forward to our birthdays."

The pair have been through their share of life's ups and downs and know the value of a constant friendship.

"Carla has been there for me through many recent stages in my life," said Gonzales of Rockford. "She was there when I first got married and my first son was born. Then, she was there for me when I was going through my divorce and was on my own again for a while.

"Then I met my husband Joe, and Carla and her husband, Aaron, welcomed him into our family of friends. She was there for my wedding and the recent birth of my second son."

Both women agree that they are better people because of the friendship. Gonzales said she is constantly reminded what it means to be a good friend, while Potter has learned patience and understanding.

"Angel has made me appreciate our 15-year friendship," Potter said. "I can't wait for 15 more."

Lynn Moczynski and Pam Shumaker

Where there's one, there's the other.

That's been a way of life for stay-at-home moms Pam Shumaker and Lynn Moczynski for the better part of the past decade. The pair volunteer at an array of places around town, including the Discovery Center Auxiliary and Klehm Arboretum. They found they were a pretty good working team when they decided to be co-presidents of the parent-teacher organization at Walker Elementary School.

From there, the friendship has blossomed.

"Being friends with Lynn has forced me to challenge my limits," said Shumaker, a 45-year-old from Rockford. "Just when I thought the idea was perfected, the job was done, or I couldn't do one more thing, Lynn could add another layer, ask one more question and believe I could do a little better. Because of that, I am a better person for knowing Lynn. No one squeezes more minutes out of a day than she does."

From the beginning, Moczynski says she looked forward to seeing Shumaker at the school. She loved watching Shumaker's face light up when her son ran to greet her after school and was thrilled to find that this was a friend who was quick to give back to the community.

"This friendship has kept me grounded and balanced," Moczynski said. "Pam helps keep me sane. She is my reality-check person, not only personally but as a mother. When the parenting gets tough, or those 'I feel like a crazy mom' moments happen, I can always count on her to be honest and straightforward with her advice and opinions."

In their down time, the pair enjoys hosting dinner parties, laughing over red wine or shopping. They've watched each other's children grow up and are finding their years as stay-at-home moms coming to an end.

"Lynn and I are in the same boat as far as life today is concerned," Shumaker said. "We both stayed home to raise our kids, and now we are both are looking beyond those years. It is a struggle to find your own place in life where your total focus for 20-plus years has been other people. Lynn and I constantly bounce ideas off each other about what we should do and who we can be."

Ann Gantzer and Midge Elkins

Sometimes, your boss can be your best friend.

Might not work that way for everyone, but Midge Elkins had a gem of a boss when she started working at Freeport Health Network in 2000.

"I kept it very professional until one day where I just had to spew," said Elkins, 57. "So I went into her office and very tactfully explained I just had to use some unprofessional words to describe my day. She laughed, and boy, did I use unprofessional words. That was the start of a very close bond."

Now, both Elkins and Gantzer work at Swedish-American Health System, take doctorate-level classes at Capella University, exercise at Curves and have gone on vacation together. They get together several times a week and often on the weekends. It's not unusual for their families to celebrate holidays or enjoy outings together.

Elkins said she benefits from the friendship because she knows it's OK to be herself.

"Many times, we have to put on the mask of whomever another person thinks you should be," she said. "Ann allows me to be me, with no falseness or judgments. She has shown me such a capacity to be able to express myself."

Gantzer, 49, says that her friend has been by her side through a number of tough times, including when her eldest son left to serve in Iraq.

"Needless to say, I was rather emotional for the month before he left," she said. "It was comforting to know that I could be grouchy or cry and Midge would listen as needed or try to lighten the mood.

"It's great to have friends who accept you for what you are at any particular moment."