Erika Holiday was on a flight to Europe in 2004 with family members when a female flight attendant lavished attention on Holiday’s brother while completely ignoring her and her mother.

This incident led them to discuss the ways women mistreat other women.

“My mother told me stories that I had never heard, having to do with her youth,” Holiday recalls in her book, “Mean Girls, Meaner Women.”

“She felt that many of her friends were hateful toward and competitive with her over beauty, boyfriends and popularity.”

Holiday, a licensed clinical psychologist, started researching women bullying women in 2006 for her doctoral thesis, when studies on the subject were scarce.

Holiday remembered that conversation with her mother when her adviser told her to choose a thesis subject about which she was passionate.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about how often I felt betrayed and hurt by other females,” she writes. “I began reliving many vivid memories of being in school where I was teased or excluded by other girls because I didn’t wear the right kind of clothes, hang out with the right kind of friends, or sometimes for really nothing at all.”

Her research found that many women shared her experience. She co-published the book in 2009 with her adviser, Joan Rosenberg. Today, Holiday conducts workshops, teaches graduate college classes and co-hosts a weekly radio program, “Full Circle,” on KCSN-FM in Los Angeles. She’s been in private practice for nine years, specializing in women’s issues and relationship problems.

Holiday, who is scheduled to give the keynote address at next year’s YWCA Leader Luncheon on March 7, says she’s heard hundreds of stories from women who have been bullied.

“My parents divorced when I was 13,” she says. “From that point on, I wanted to understand relationships and help others heal.”

The latest trend has been an increase of bullying in the workplace, she says. Perpetrators are often female co-workers who spread rumors, circulate mean e-mails or post hurtful comments on blogs.

Unlike their male counterparts, women sometimes have problems expressing anger or other emotions face to face, she says. The Internet allows them to vent — even anonymously.

“This crosses all ages, races and socioeconomic statuses,” she says. “I’ve even helped celebrities. I try to teach women to get in touch with their feelings.”

In her book, Holiday explains how most boys grow up learning it’s OK to express anger and be competitive. Girls are still getting a mixed message: strive to succeed but act like a lady. This hasn’t changed despite the women’s movement of the ’60s.

“My mom was a feminist,” she says. “I grew up hearing about women’s issues. But feminism has become the F-word — it’s not seen as a good thing anymore.”

She cites coeds in her sociology classes who don’t seem concerned that women still earn less than men for the same work, or are underrepresented in top management.

“The 18- and 19-year-olds just don’t care,” she says. “I tell them, ‘This is about you.’ ”

It doesn’t help that so many reality shows feature women pitted against women, Holiday says. Name-calling, backstabbing and trash talking have become prime-time entertainment. Girls especially may be growing up thinking this behavior is acceptable, even normal.

“Watch the show together and have a discussion,” she advises parents. “Tell your children, ‘Don’t act like them. Don’t imitate them. This is entertaining, but that’s all it is.’ ”

Girls today are still more likely than boys to cut themselves, have eating disorders and be victims of cyberbullying, Holiday says. She cites one study that found one-third of eighth-grade girls reported being victimized online or through cell phones, compared with one-tenth of the boys.

Kids who are victims of bullying are more prone to suffer depression and to abuse alcohol, she says. Some high-profile cases have even ended in suicide. Parents should watch for signs of sleeping and eating disorders, acting out, and behavioral changes.

“Pay attention to your child,” she says. “If they seem ‘off’ in any way, seek help — the sooner, the better."

Schools should have anti-bullying programs, Holiday says. And women need to help mentor younger women. She cites the case of Phoebe Prince, the 15-year-old who hanged herself in Massachusetts last January, after repeated bullying.

“If she had one person to go talk to, it might have saved her,” she says. “I’m really hopeful that people get involved in this issue and make changes with me.”

More on Erika Holiday
Hear Erika Holiday speak at the YWCA Leader Luncheon, 11:30 a.m. Monday, March 7, at Giovanni’s, 610 N. Bell School Road. Tickets are $45 for members, $50 for nonmembers, and will be available in January at YWCA.org/Rockford.

For more on Holiday’s book, “Mean Girls, Meaner Women,” visit meangirlsmeanerwomen.com. To purchase a copy, visit http://tinyurl.com/387v73j.

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